So you know the reader is desperate to find out what happened after the shot rang out.
Nothing in the almost hallucinatory and beautiful style would lead a reader to guess at the near-terminal state of its author.
More than halfway through this short book, this adorable guide takes the reader by the hand and leads her to a terrible place.
Old English rædere "person who reads aloud to others; lector; scholar; diviner, interpreter," agent noun from rædan (see read (v.)). Cf. Dutch rader "adviser," Old High German ratari "counselor." Old English fem. form was rædistre.