It is glorious in its stilted awkwardness, and should be cherished.
Complete with stilted dialogue and cringe-worthy background music, the whole thing would be laughable were it not so terrifying.
But the stilted dialogue and bizarre narrative conceits pale in comparison with some of the sacrilege being committed here.
early 14c., "a crutch," from Proto-Germanic *steltijon (cf. Middle Low German, Middle Dutch stelte "stilt," Old High German stelza "plow handle, crutch"), from PIE root *stel- "to put, stand" (see stall (n.1)). Application to "wooden poles for walking across marshy ground, etc." is from mid-15c. Meaning "one of the posts on which a building is raised from the ground" is first attested 1690s. Stilted in the figurative sense of "pompous, stuffy" is first recorded 1820.